RETURN TO WORK MUSINGS...
Updated: Aug 10, 2018
Ok, ok… I KNOW this is the second time I've done an "I'm back" post. But this time I really mean it!
Once again, life got in the way. Well, that, and the fact my laptop has been running on pretty much empty for the last few months and it just got to the "can't even use anymore" stage. Luckily, I have a rather brilliant husband, who has just treated me to a brand new shiny laptop for our wedding anniversary! I am now the proud owner of a MacBook.. Yes I've FINALLY joined the club! Don't get me wrong, I have NO IDEA how to use it. Most of the time spent on said laptop this last week has been me googling "how to X (insert as appropriate) on a Mac"
It’s not all down to the laptop situation though, as before, I have been all consumed in everything that being a mama is. It can be tough when you spend 6 days a week looking after a baba while the husband is at work and you aren't very close (geographically!) to any of your family and friends. Especially when you have such an over active, busy, social little (almost) toddler, who just wants to be "doing" all the time. It can be really difficult to keep them occupied and entertained. Throw in a couple of leaps, teething (4 new teeth and 2 more just poking through!) and a poorly husband… and you get a rather haggard, over tired, desperate version of me.
With all this in mind, we decided it would be a good idea to start frank at nursery slightly earlier than planned. He was due to start 2 days a week in the middle of June (with me going back to work the 2nd July!) but as of next Thursday, he's going to start one day a week. This will give me chance to get my KIT days with work done, plus catch up on everything I've not been able to do since Frank started standing/ pulling himself a long/ trying to walk/ climbing etc.
He has done his settle sessions and I can safely say, I don't think there is going to be a problem. He has loved every second so far, in fact, the only problem I've had is after I've picked him up! Probably a combination of over excitement/ stimulation/ tiredness but he has been rather difficult after going to nursery so far. I am hoping this is just something he needs to get used to and it will calm down once we are in to a routine (another good reason to have him start earlier, so we can iron out any hitches before I go back to work full time)
Which brings me on to the other elephant in the room. Work. 2 more months off (and counting) and then that's it… times up… normal service must resume.
How do I feel about that… I'm really not sure. I can't wait to get some sort of "normality" back in my life (will that ever actually be a thing again??) and get some of the "old" me back. But at the same time, the thought of being apart from frank 5 days a week is pretty rubbish. There is no happy medium with my job, it's an all or nothing kind of thing, so I'm going to go back all guns blazing. I've got to. Because, if you're not giving it your all, there is no point in doing it, is there. Or is there?
My old boss (and fantastic mentor) once asked me what I did my job for… why I put all the hours in, the travelling, the stress. Living to work. It was because I had fought damned hard, in a very male dominant environment, and I wanted the recognition. It wasn't just about the money, I wanted to be the best… to prove that just because I was a girl, it didn't make me less of a competitor in the workplace. That being a woman wouldn't get in the way of being a professional.
The thing is, now it's not just about me. And being a woman, well, it IS going to get in the way. I used to work 16 hour days, 5/6 days a week. I spent more time Monday - Friday away in hotels than I did at home, and that's just not going to be possible anymore. Even if it was, I don't think I would want to. I don't want to miss these precious early moments with Frank and my gorgeous little family… so how can I fit everything in?
Aforementioned best boss ever told me that it was ok not to be top at everything. That actually, just being "good" was pretty ok as well. I could make the decision whether to give it my all and be the best, or just give it a good go, and be happy with being "good." Hitting targets, rather than trying to smash them, and still getting to go home most nights a week to see the family. So that’s what I'm going to aim to do.
I have no idea what is in store for me once I return to work, and for the first time in a long time I actually feel quite nervous! I feel like I'm starting new... And really out of touch! The IT industry moves so quickly and I've been out of it for 12 months… who knows what I have missed?
How did you feel about your return to work, I would love to hear from other professionals that went back full time after having a little one! How did it go, how has it affected your work/ life?!